Thursday, January 9, 2014

Oral Roberts to Forfeit Two Games Against Imaginary Schools

Today, it was announced that Oral Roberts will have to forfeit two upcoming games against "Abilene Christian" and "Incarnate Word" because they've played too many non-Division 1 schools this year already.

According to NCAA bylaws, Division 1 teams can play a maximum of 4 non-Division 1 schools each year, including exhibition games. The Golden Eagles already defeated the non-Division 1 likes of Northwood, Rogers State, Cameron and Dallas Baptist, but apparently, they didn't think those victories would be convincing enough for the NCAA Selection Committee to put them in the NCAA Tournament later this season.

To amp up their résumé, they scheduled two "games" against Division 2 "schools" that they made up--Abilene Christian and Incarnate Word.

Really, Oral Roberts? Those don't even sound like real schools.

It's being reported that Mike Carter, Oral Roberts' athletic director, opened the Bible to a random page in Exodus, chose four words and pieced them together to make up the schools' names.

Come on, Mike. At least throw an A&M at the end. And what's their mascot? I bet it's a Wildcat.

To fortify the games' credibility, Carter and Manti Te'o reached an agreement early this season for Te'o to publicly announce he was dating a student at Incarnate Word.

However, despite their crafty efforts, the NCAA discovered the hoax and is now forcing Oral Roberts to forfeit the games.

Ultimately, the NCAA's decision will probably benefit Oral Roberts. They would've looked pretty silly when all 37 of their fans showed up, and there wasn't an opposing team. Plus, an inexplicable loss or two is something most teams can come back from. Mizzou is certainly hoping so.

In the end, I think we've all learned something: Words from the Bible are rarely believable.

In other news, I am now dating Anna Kendrick.

*The picture at the top is Oral Roberts playing Incarnate Word last year.

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