Deng, That's An Interesting Trade

On Monday, January 6, the Chicago Bulls traded Luol Deng to the Cleveland Cavaliers for Andrew Bynum, his hair, and three draft picks.  This trade was probably not that big of a deal, but deng it we're going to make it one! Welcome to our first roundtable discussion of 2014!

Who won this trade?

Paul: Um, neither team? In a sense, the Bulls "won" by avoiding the luxury tax this season and trading away an expiring contract for something, even though it is likely to be a late first or second-round pick sometime a few years off. At the same time, you have to think Deng might have chosen to remain in Chicago after his contract expired, which now seems like something with no shot of happening. Meanwhile, the Cavs clearly got better this season by adding Deng, a very solid player who has played at an all-star level as recently as 2 seasons ago. Unfortunately, they are 11 games under .500, have the 4th worst point differential in the league, and even in the Big 10 Conference Eastern Conference, they have to be seen as a long shot to make the playoffs. Are you really making this trade to try and convince LeBron you are "serious about contending?"

Wrap It All Up: The Finals, Next Season, and a Grand Hiatus

Jack: Well gentlemen, we've reached the end of the season. Already one of the best finals series in recent memory has been overshadowed by the trade talks between the Clippers and Celtics. But before we get to that, let's take a look back at that finals series.

Three of the games were remarkable. Four were...underwhelming? Games 6 and 7 were the greatest culmination of a Finals series we could have asked for. So many different questions could be asked - about what this means for Lebron, what it means for Ginobli and his bald spot, where the Spurs and Heat go from here - but let's start with this: This Finals series was _____?

Paul: It sounds cliche, but the only word that accurately characterizes that series is epic. Jack already mentioned games 6 and 7, which were without doubt the two best consecutive series-clinching finals games of my lifetime (cue the age jokes here), and each individually probably rank in the top 10 for finals games during that period, with game 6 possibly the best game ever. But beyond that, if you include coaches and executives, this series featured 10 SUREFIRE HALL-OF-FAMERS. Ten!!! (for those of you who are curious, that's R.C. Buford, Pat Riley, Gregg Popovich, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, Tracy McGrady, Lebron James, Dwyane Wade and Ray Allen). And that doesn't even include guys for whom the jury is still out, like Bosh, Spoelstra, Kawhi Leonard, and Patty Mills's towel. I don't think we will ever see a series with that sort of star power again, at least until the NBA contracts and only has 4 teams each in Chicago, New York, LA and Miami.

Here's an interesting question though - how good will San Antonio be next year? People are already writing their obituaries, but last time I checked, that's become a yearly occurrence, and unless Ginobili retires, they should return almost the same roster they just won 60 games with. I think they are legitimate favorites again in the Western Conference. Do you guys agree?

NBA Finals Gifs

The NBA Finals are tied 2-2!!  Bosh and Wade are back!!  Lebron didn't let three slow games in a row get in his head!!  Tiago Splitter isn't actually good at basketball!!

Let's slow known on the knee-jerk reactions a little bit.  In order to get away from all that, we've compiled some of our favorite gifs from the NBA Finals so far.  You know how much we love gifs.

Best Plays in GIF Form

We'll start here, because this happened in Game 1, and because Norris Cole had no chance/got completely eviscerated:

Manu is a passing god.  If you look closely, you can actually see the fan in the stands with a wand that is actually controlling the ball in the first gif:

This just shows how strong Lebron is: Splitter wound up, Lebron went straight up, and Lebron said, "No thank you."

Real Men of Basketball: The Baller Old Guy

Each week I will write about a type of player you see in pickup basketball games, along with their NBA equivalent. Basically, it will be a spinoff from the Real Men of Genius ads made by Bud Light. I started out with the annoying screen setter guy. This week: the baller old guy.

Old people ruin everything - that's just a fact. Parties, highway driving, late night basement hookups...you name it. So what's worse than when a bunch of young bloods try to get a pickup game going and the only option for the 10th man is Old Man River and his replacement knees? I'll tell you...it's when Old Man River decides to put on a fucking clinic.

Too easy against these young bloods

Live Blog: Spurs/Heat, Game 2

With Jack sidelined for the weekend at the first of many weddings the three authors will be crashing attending as honored guests in the coming years, Brian and Paul fired up a lively discussion about the goings on in Game 2 of the NBA Finals.

Brian: Hey fans, we kick off this blog with 3:42 left in the first quarter and the Heat up 16-15. Early thoughts:

1. Really like Wade's aggressiveness thus far. He's gotta keep it up for the Heat to win.
2. Steph Curry is apparently wearing a Danny Green mask tonight. Seriously, when did Danny learn to shoot?
3. LBJ strangely quiet so far. I expect that to change in the 2nd quarter after his teammates cool down.
4. I still really hate Ginobili and Duncan.

And with that I'll kick it to Paul...what's happening my dawg?

Paul: What's up Brian,

Not sure I'll have too much to contribute since my brain is feeling rather squishy after a loooong evening out last night. I pretty much have the brain function of this kid:

The NBA Finals: So Many Questions, Who Will Answer?

Tonight. 8:30. Miami. San Antonio. The NBA Finals.  Don't worry - we've answered the 10 most important questions so you don't have to.

Here we are - the Finals have arrived. Are you surprised this is the match-up we ended up getting?

Brian: Not at all. Everyone and their grandmother had the Heat representing the East, and although I had picked the Thunder at the beginning of the season, the loss of Westbrook immediately flipped my pick to the Spurs. You don't win 58 games by accident.

Jack: Not really. We knew it would take a stroke of really bad injuries luck for Miami not to make it to this point.  I think the Spurs may draw some motivation from all the "Westbrook getting hurt completely changed the West" talk.  Or at least I hope they do.

Paul: Before the season started, only one of ESPN's panel of 35 experts picked this particular matchup in the finals, so on one hand, this finals matchup is pretty surprising. That being said, everybody expected Miami in the East, and San Antonio brought every piece back from the West's best regular season team last year, so for anybody thinking objectively, it shouldn't have been a surprise at all.

How many games will Joey Crawford be prominently involved in?

Brian: At least 2. He might be involved in every game played at Miami, if David Stern has his way. I'm already giddy for the inevitable Tim Duncan technical just because Joey Crawford feels like it.

Jack: 1.6, after inadvertently ejecting himself with Norris Cole in the 3rd quarter of his second game refing.

Paul: The only person both delusional enough and power-hungry enough to consider letting Joey Crawford ref a Finals game is...David Stern. Crap. I'll say 2.

On a scale of 1-10 how excited are you for this Finals series?

Brian: 8.5 - I can't give it a 10 because I hate both of these teams. That being said, they are clearly the best 2 teams in the league, and play extremely smart, precision basketball. As a basketball nerd, I'm salivating. Ok, I just bumped myself to a 9.5.

Jack: 7.1.  I don't want the Heat to win...I think that's well documented.  So I can't be too excited.  But it is going to be a ridiculously high quality series.  Which is great.

Paul: Surprisingly, I'm about a 9.2 - not because I like either team, but because I expect to see basketball played at an extremely high level all series, even in pressure situations, with a lot of scoring thrown in. Throw in the 8-10 future hall of famers competing or coaching (and the unintentional comedy of Popovich's halftime interviews) and I expect to see the most entertaining finals since at least 2009. Bump this up to a 13.4 if the Spurs win and Popovich busts out this dance again:

Real Men of Basketball: The Hilariously Out of Shape Guy

Each week I will write about a type of player you see in pickup basketball games, along with their NBA equivalent. Basically, it will be a spinoff from the Real Men of Genius ads made by Bud Light. I started out with the annoying screen setter guy. This week: the hilariously out of shape guy.

Nothing warms my heart quite like a competitive game of pickup basketball. Sure it's fun when you're the best player on the court and raining it NBA Jam style, but truth be told I'd rather play a tough game when all of the players on the court know what they're doing. 

Now it's no surprise that basketball is a physically demanding sport - you need to be in at least decent shape to play at a competitive level. Which is why nothing is funnier to me than walking out onto the court and seeing the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man's doppelganger warming up at the speed of a three toed sloth.

Feed me on the block!

The hilariously out of shape guy could not be more out of place on a basketball court. He is physically maxed out after 3 trips down the court, and his body resembles a car wreck in slow motion. I would feel bad for him, but it's tough when he resorts to clotheslining anyone within arms reach because that is literally his last defense. But wait, NBA players are professional athletes. There aren't any such guys in the NBA, right?

Wrong.

Shaq used to be one of the most dominant athletes in the league, but as many of you saw, he went to seed quickly. I love you Shaq...but for the last 3 years of your career, you were the hilariously out of shape guy.

He can still move though!

Real Men of Basketball: The Unconscious Bad Guy

Say you're about to play a pickup game of basketball. Teams are chosen, and the other captain must have had too many Miller 64s before the game, because his team flat out SUCKS. This one should hit Hiroshima-levels of domination.

The other team starts with ball and is doing jack shit against your teams defense, and eventually their worst shooter gets impatient and lets it fly. The guy whose shot looks like Helen Keller trying to throw a shot put through a tire swing, crossed with with Mark Sanchez trying to hit an open receiver. What a dumba...SWISH. Well shit. I thought that guy sucked? Whatever. Y'all are men, so you're playing make it take it. They throw the ball around fruitlessly again before your boy makes it rain on a contested 24 footer. Nothing but net! What the hell?!?

You blink and when you look up, your team is down 22-12. I don't even have to tell you what happens next - the guy who must have sold his soul to the devil swishes yet another 3. Game, blouses. Your team ran into the buzz saw that is the unconscious bad guy, and there's nothing you can fucking do about it.

The unconscious bad guy can strike more quickly and unexpectedly than a B-52 bomber. And your team is absolutely toast when this happens, because the guy you planned on leaving open all game is suddenly the other team's best player.

So who is the NBA's unconscious bad guy? In honor of his lights out game 1 shooting performance against the Grizzlies, it's none other than ginger extraordinaire Matt Bonner. Look at this shooting form!

Helen Keller for days. And seriously...if Matt Bonner suddenly becomes the unconscious bad guy, you are just not beating the Spurs. Now jump Matt!

2013 NBA Draft Roundtable

If you're looking for something to keep you from clawing your eyes out as you re-watch highlights of the Pacers blow Game 1 against the Heat, we've got you covered. We give you our takes on the top 5 overall picks in the 2013 NBA Draft and the impact we think they could have.

Pick #1: Cleveland Cavaliers

Jack: Andrew Wiggins. Isn't he the clear #1 overall? The Cavs have long-term answers at PG (Uncle Drew), PF (Thompson), and C (depending on how you view Varejao's health, but he was putting up 14 points and 14 boards a game before getting hurt), and maybe even SG if Waiters continues to improve.  Maybe you prefer Jabari Parker? Either way, this draft is so weak I think we see a high school player go first overall.  (I actually think they should trade this pick, either by trading down or by trying to get a young SF...I'm thinking Kawhi Leonard or Danny Green or Klay Thompson? But if they must pick, they'll probably take Nerlens Noel, C, Kentucky because he's the safest bet.)

Real Men of Basketball: The Unstoppable Little Guy

Each week I will write about a type of player you see in pickup basketball games, along with their NBA equivalent. Basically, it will be a spinoff from the Real Men of Genius ads made by Bud Light. I started out with the annoying screen setter guy. This week: the unstoppable little guy.

He exists on every pickup court in America. He always looks different, but he is in fact the same player. His team always wins, and there's nothing you can do about it, even though you tower over him like Yao Ming over Earl Boykins. He is the unstoppable little guy, and he will haunt your dreams, your nightmares, and everything in between.

The unstoppable little guy has every trick in the book mastered. He has generally always been short, so he's learned how to compensate by shielding layups with his body and using a variety of fakes to get you off balance. He doesn't take a ton of shots, but if you leave him wide open, it's game over. Many times the best part of his game is passing ability, because he sees lanes that other people don't and sneaks passes under your arms.

And lastly, the fucker is just so damn quick that you don't have a chance. If you play off him, he makes the shot. If you guard him tight, he's past you in like 0.2 seconds. And when he picks your pocket on the defensive end, just don't even bother giving chase. Save your energy for yelling at your teammates.

So who is the NBA 's unstoppable little guy? Why, it's no other than Stephen Curry Tony Parker! I was this close to picking Steph, but our blog collectively sucks his dick enough, and Parker fits my description better. Parker is 6'1", yet almost never has his shot blocked. He's a very good midrange shooter, and one of the quickest/shiftiest point guards in the game. And to prove my "he wins every game" statement earlier: the Spurs have won 50+ games every year that Parker has been at the helm. Unstoppable little guy, indeed. Now enjoy my GIFs!

Too quick for NBA players!

That shot is just not supposed to go in

Space Jam Roundup: Our Thoughts on Your Thoughts

As promised, here are our thoughts on our picks from yesterday's fantasy board draft. We've addressed our own picks, each other's picks, and those comments that were left on Facebook and the blog itself.

Paul: So I just spent a fairly long time perusing a jersey website trying to find a Tskitishvili jersey (no luck). However I did find this jersey for Brian: https://www.basketballjerseyworld.com/products/WAS0211-rasheed-wallace-washington-wizards-bullets.

Brian: I might have to get the Sheed jersey with expedited shipping, and I'll take a look at the linking feature this weekend.

Jack: Speaking of the Bullets, if we hypothetically said we were using 2012's draft order - you know who messes up this draft? The Wizards with the 3rd pick. "Ok, Lebron and Durant are gone. Irving? Harden? Paul? Oh crap we're down to 10 seconds...Beal looked pretty good this year? Klay Thompson is on fire since David Lee went out...uhhh we select Andrew Bogut!!!"

Ok, on to our thoughts?

The New Space Jam

Picture this: Aliens show up, Space Jam style, and have decided that the current configuration of teams in the NBA isn't fair (because aliens are small-market fans, and especially love Sacramento for God knows what reason).  They take control of David Stern's body (and Rip Hamilton's - this via Nate Robinson's instagram) and broker a deal between the NBA and the Player's Association that nullifies every existing contract, making every player a free agent.  To reassign players a fantasy draft has been created.  You, the casual-to-avid basketball fan, receive a telephone call from an NBA owner (who also must be under alien influence) and he informs you that his franchise has a top-10 pick in the upcoming draft.  Your task? Create a draft board for him to use as the draft progresses.

Below are these "draft boards" from each writer for this site. They are controversial, they are based on opinions, and in some cases they are based on little-to-no sleep.  We fully welcome your comments - in fact, we would love it if you left your own draft board as a comment here or on Facebook.  (We'll put up our defense of our picks and comments on others sometime tomorrow.)

Real Men of Basketball: The Chucker Guy

Each week I will write about a type of player you see in pickup basketball games, along with their NBA equivalent. Basically, it will be a spinoff from the Real Men of Genius ads made by Bud Light. I started out with the annoying screen setter guy. This week: the chucker guy.

Picture yourself in any pickup game in America. The guy warming up near you looks like he can really shoot the rock. You look over as he throws up a couple corner 3's: Swish. Swish. Swish. Damn, not bad. Hope that guy is on my team!

Teams are picked, and to your delight, shooter bro is on your team! You can't help but imagine the train your team is about to run with this guy making it rain. You bring the ball up and throw it to shooter guy on the wing. He's not really open, but the shot goes up immediately from about 26 feet. Clank. Whatever, even the pros miss. Next possession - you drop it to him in the post and he throws up a heavily contested fadeaway right away. Barely draws iron this time. Hey, even the great shooters have to shoot themselves out of a cold streak. Let's give him another chance. You get him the ball near the elbow on the next possession. He takes a jab step, one dribble, and launches a running hook shot from just inside the foul line. Nothing but air. What the hell was that?!? Your team has just fallen victim to the chucker guy.

Live Blog - Nuggets-Warriors, Game 6.

The gang invited a special guest to live blog (most of) Game 6 from Oracle Arena. Below is the largely unedited transcript of our conversation, with parentheticals added to delineate critical events within the game.

 Paul:  Well guys, welcome back to another exciting edition of the Volume Shooters live blog! We've got a special guest with us tonight, resident Warriors fan William "Frattin" Stratton Roberts. Bulls v. Nets however is still ongoing so we're catching the end of it quickly. What say you all?

 Jack:  DAVID LEEEEEEE

(For reference, a TNT game break just showed David Lee warming up.)

 Brian:  hey will!

(i'm sitting next to him)

that's so funny

 Will:  regretting inviting me yet?

 Jack:  I don't know if we get the same commercials or not, but I would like to say that I hate the "Hopper" commercials with all the miniature crap. "It's the same thing"...the hell it's not! I don't want a tiny ass beer and one nacho!

Related...I do like the AT&T commercials. I'm sorry, what's going on? The Bulls are down 4 with 2:45 left?

 Brian:  Resident Warriors fan Will can barely contain himself. Will Steph go for 40? Can Andrew Bogut continue his resurgence? Can the Nuggets continue their dirty play from game 5 with plenty of help from the refs? So many story lines!

 Will:  Thanks for the invite guys! I have a number of opinions. I'm glad I have you in my reach to share them. And probably have to reach the.

Read *

Them *

Already Drunk.

Real Men of Basketball: The Annoying Screen Setter Guy

I'm going to try out a new idea for my recurring column theme this week. Basically, it will be a spinoff from the Real Men of Genius ads made by Bud Light, except I will talk about the various players you find in pickup/intramural games and their NBA equivalents. As always, I welcome any feedback! First up: the annoying screen setter guy.

Let's set one thing straight: no one likes playing defense in intramural basketball. You think that group of sophomore girls that your friend randomly brought to the game are gonna be impressed because you provided timely help defense? Or contested a corner 3? For sure not. So anything that makes playing defense even a little more difficult is bound to piss you off.

Say you're guarding the guy bringing the ball up the court. He dribbles the ball to your right. "Screen right!" your teammate calls out. Whatever, screens are part of the game. You easily go over the pick and stay in front of your man. "Screen left!" your hear immediately after. Ok, ok...I'll just go over that one too. Except now you're a little less prepared/a little out of position and he manages to set a hard screen into your shoulder. But you manage to get through it and pick up your man. "Screen right!" you hear one more time. F. THIS. GUY! This time you run full on into the screen and get knocked backward. Your teammate stays with the screener and your man easily scores. "Now that was a screen!" the guy on the other team celebrates. Cool dude, you just set 3 in a row!

America's Pastime: Why We Love Baseball

Since the start of the NBA playoffs has already been covered in depth by my co-writers (and the fact that I’ve missed every game because a move to a new house took away my TV, internet, and running water), I thought I’d dedicate today’s column to America’s pastime. My apologies for completely neglecting Opening Day – I’m going to make it up to you by sharing the top 5 (extremely objective, of course) traditions that make baseball great. And if you're lucky, I might throw in some of my experiences from Orioles games for good measure.

5. The First Pitch

This mainly applies to your team's home opener, even if it's not the first game of the season. You might have been there for such a game - the team runs out to the roar of the crowd, the pitcher tosses a couple more just for good measure, and the crowd turns from an excited chatter to a low murmur of excitement. There's a buzz, a feeling of electricity in the ballpark, and that goes double if you have an ace pitcher on your staff. The other team's leadoff batter is almost NEVER swinging at the first pitch of the season, so your pitcher has no excuse but to zip one down the middle. STEEEEEE-RIIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEE. Awesome. After the fact, it feels a little anticlimactic, but the buildup to the first pitch is truly great. Here's an example:

Oh wait, that was John Wall throwing out the worst first pitch ever. Here's what I mean:

Western Conference Predictions

Yesterday we took the time to examine the Eastern Conference first round match-ups. Today, we look at the much more exciting because there's more than one good team Western Conference playoff picture. Like yesterday, you'll find all you need to know, or at least a couple of facts that are probably true (since that's the nature of facts), and then our tweetable predictions will follow.  Hopefully we win you a lot of money in your office pool.

(1) Oklahoma City Thunder vs. (8) Houston Rockets

This gif comes from Business Insider. That's not a joke.

Eastern Conference Predictions

This weekend marks the beginning of the NBA Playoffs. The writers at Volume Shooters have collaborated to give you a comprehensive and thorough break-down of each match-up. And even if that isn't completely true, we at least matched all the teams up correctly. Today we preview the Eastern Conference playoff picture; tomorrow we'll visit the West.

(1) Miami Heat vs. (8) BYE Milwaukee Bucks

We believe this is Monta kissing the Bucks' hopes good-bye.

The Boston Marathon and the Healing Power of Sports

I'm still reeling over the bombings at the Boston Marathon. Tragedy comes in many forms, but it's rare that it strikes such a peaceful and unsuspecting scene as it did Monday. Most of you know the facts by now: an eight year old boy was brutally killed watching the race with his family, along with two others. Some 180 others lie injured in the area Boston hospitals, a number that could easily be over 200 when all is said and done. Many have had their limbs amputated, their lives forever changed. It's hard to fathom such a horrible thing happening in our proud country. My heart goes out to all those affected, and I know that I speak for all of us in wishing the best for those poor victims in their recovery.

Life goes on; that's a part of the healing process. Everyone finds a different way to cope with their pain, takes a different path on the road to recovery. And time and again, sports have been an outlet for the grief of a community. I'm not the first to write about the healing power of sports, nor will I be the last. But I wanted to share some of the more inspiring moments that sports have offered us after a tragedy, as a way of lifting everyone's spirits just a little bit after what happened on Monday.


Marshall Plane Crash, 1970

50 posts? It's time to celebrate!

Today marks Volume Shooters' 50th post on this site. Don't worry - we're surprised we made it this far as well.  To honor ourselves, and because the playoffs are right around the corner, we're looking back at some of the top moments from the 2012-2013 NBA season.

50 point performances

Jack: What better way to start things off than by commemorating our 50th post than by examining the best 50-point efforts from this season? (Side note: In an attempt to include more games and players I thought about making it players scoring 45+ in a game. Turns out this would only expand the field from 3 performances to 9, and from 3 players to 6.  You can see the list here. My take-away is that Carmelo Anthony and James Harden have clearly been out to prove things this season - Carmelo that he can still perform while being hung over lead a team to success at the highest level, and Harden that you should always fear the beard. Anyway...) Only three times has the 50-point mark been eclipsed this season - here's my ranking of those performances: