Thursday, May 9, 2013

The New Space Jam

Picture this: Aliens show up, Space Jam style, and have decided that the current configuration of teams in the NBA isn't fair (because aliens are small-market fans, and especially love Sacramento for God knows what reason).  They take control of David Stern's body (and Rip Hamilton's - this via Nate Robinson's instagram) and broker a deal between the NBA and the Player's Association that nullifies every existing contract, making every player a free agent.  To reassign players a fantasy draft has been created.  You, the casual-to-avid basketball fan, receive a telephone call from an NBA owner (who also must be under alien influence) and he informs you that his franchise has a top-10 pick in the upcoming draft.  Your task? Create a draft board for him to use as the draft progresses.

Below are these "draft boards" from each writer for this site. They are controversial, they are based on opinions, and in some cases they are based on little-to-no sleep.  We fully welcome your comments - in fact, we would love it if you left your own draft board as a comment here or on Facebook.  (We'll put up our defense of our picks and comments on others sometime tomorrow.)

Remember: you are drafting at the end of this season, effective for the 2013-14 season and beyond. You're taking players as they are now (so factor in Rondo's ACL tear and Dwight Howard's general girly-ness), but you're also taking them to build a franchise around. The question is - where do you start?

Brian                               Paul                                  Jack
1. Lebron James (LBJ)                 1. LBJ                                          1. LBJ
2. Kevin Durant (KD)                    2. KD                                           2. Durant
3. Chris Paul  (CP3)                     3. James Harden                          3. (Damn this is difficult)
4. Russell Westbrook                   4. (Damn this is difficult)                  Chris Paul
5. Marc Gasol                                  Kyrie Irving                              4. James Harden
6. Kyrie Irving                              5. CP3                                         5. Kyrie Irving
   (damn straight I have 3              6. Derrick Rose                           6. Melo
     PGs in my top 6)                      7. Steph Curry                             7. Joakhim Noah
7. Kevin Love                               8. Anthony Davis                         8. Russell Westbrook
8. The Holy One Stephen Curry      9. Marc Gasol                               (I only have two spots left?? Uh-oh.)
9. Carmelo Anthony (Melo)            10. Paul George                           9. Kevin Love
10. (Damn this is difficult)             (Next 7 in no particular order:     10. John Wall
      Paul George                              Andre Drummond, Blake             (Wait I used my last two on Love
11. Nate Robinson                          Griffin, John Wall, Russell              and Wall!? What?)
      (Bench scoring/crowd               Westbrook, Brook Lopez,           11. Mike Miller
       favorite/locker room guy)         Melo, Ty Lawson)                        (for his raindrop catching abilities)
12. Kenneth Bazemore                   11. JaKostofey McKoufgov           12. Lamar Odom
      (with all due respect to            (the three-headed monster        (because I believe he can still reinvent
       Javale McGee, best bench         of Denver centers)                      himself and I am just dying to pay
       celebrations in the game        12. Amare Stoudemire and his       him $8million a year to do so)
       right now)                                 paper mache knees

Rent Ken Bazemore now!


  1. Fellas,

    I'm lovin the blog. Keep up the good work. I'd love to see a postgame fashion show critique given what DWade was wearing last night.

    Criticism on the draft/franchise team:
    BSach - miss ya buddy, hope you're doing well. I love the Marc Gasol pick at 5. No one is playing defense outside of Lebron and he is the best big in the league in my opinion, because Dwight can't find the right gameday thong and it's not purple and gold. I'd take Kyrie over CP3 at the 1 for longevity issues (though health is a concern). Westbrook at the 2. Dson love - Curry off the bench. BUT NO JAMES HARDEN?! Nice draft, but excluding the Beard because you can't grow one is not excuse (neither can I).
    Paul - I like the Rose pick even with the injury. I think you took Harden too high and I would have Kevin Love over the Unibrow anyday for boards and 3s. You probably need to bring Scalabrine out of retirement to fill the last roster spot.
    Jack - I like Noah for the defense but Marc Gasol is a better shooter, and not taking our boy Steph is insulting. I can't even. Wall has upside but I think there are better options for that last roster spot. No one gave Andre Iguodala any love?

    I read this every day, gentlemen.

  2. Hey Guys,

    First time long time.
    Wade should be getting some love on these boards, right?

    Having said that, I think the strategy should be picking players with five years or less in the league to give your new franchise a real shot at 3 or more championships. Therefore, I think you have to rate Durant/Harden/Irving/Curry/Gasol/Westbrook a bit higher. Even if you get LBJ he may only win two more. Maybe he still has to be number one, but I don't think he will get to five rings.

    Also, I'd never start anything with Melo. He won't win a ring unless he jumps on a team like the 2010-11 Mavs late in his career. Rose and Rondo need to be ahead of him.