Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Real Men of Basketball: The Annoying Screen Setter Guy

I'm going to try out a new idea for my recurring column theme this week. Basically, it will be a spinoff from the Real Men of Genius ads made by Bud Light, except I will talk about the various players you find in pickup/intramural games and their NBA equivalents. As always, I welcome any feedback! First up: the annoying screen setter guy.

Let's set one thing straight: no one likes playing defense in intramural basketball. You think that group of sophomore girls that your friend randomly brought to the game are gonna be impressed because you provided timely help defense? Or contested a corner 3? For sure not. So anything that makes playing defense even a little more difficult is bound to piss you off.

Say you're guarding the guy bringing the ball up the court. He dribbles the ball to your right. "Screen right!" your teammate calls out. Whatever, screens are part of the game. You easily go over the pick and stay in front of your man. "Screen left!" your hear immediately after. Ok, ok...I'll just go over that one too. Except now you're a little less prepared/a little out of position and he manages to set a hard screen into your shoulder. But you manage to get through it and pick up your man. "Screen right!" you hear one more time. F. THIS. GUY! This time you run full on into the screen and get knocked backward. Your teammate stays with the screener and your man easily scores. "Now that was a screen!" the guy on the other team celebrates. Cool dude, you just set 3 in a row!

The annoying screen setter guy is one of the most annoying staples of intramural basketball. He is generally big and possesses no discernible skills other than being immovable and screaming emphatically after made baskets. He is also usually a bench player, yet pretends he is one of the most important players on the team. Because what would they do without all those screens?! You know, that sounds a LOT like a current player in the NBA...

That's right, Joakim Noah, you are the annoying screen setter guy of the NBA. Kindly crawl back into the hole you came from and never show your face again.

Noah after setting a hard screen

Screw this guy.

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