Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Real Men of Basketball: The Unstoppable Little Guy

Each week I will write about a type of player you see in pickup basketball games, along with their NBA equivalent. Basically, it will be a spinoff from the Real Men of Genius ads made by Bud Light. I started out with the annoying screen setter guy. This week: the unstoppable little guy.

He exists on every pickup court in America. He always looks different, but he is in fact the same player. His team always wins, and there's nothing you can do about it, even though you tower over him like Yao Ming over Earl Boykins. He is the unstoppable little guy, and he will haunt your dreams, your nightmares, and everything in between.

The unstoppable little guy has every trick in the book mastered. He has generally always been short, so he's learned how to compensate by shielding layups with his body and using a variety of fakes to get you off balance. He doesn't take a ton of shots, but if you leave him wide open, it's game over. Many times the best part of his game is passing ability, because he sees lanes that other people don't and sneaks passes under your arms.

And lastly, the fucker is just so damn quick that you don't have a chance. If you play off him, he makes the shot. If you guard him tight, he's past you in like 0.2 seconds. And when he picks your pocket on the defensive end, just don't even bother giving chase. Save your energy for yelling at your teammates.

So who is the NBA 's unstoppable little guy? Why, it's no other than Stephen Curry Tony Parker! I was this close to picking Steph, but our blog collectively sucks his dick enough, and Parker fits my description better. Parker is 6'1", yet almost never has his shot blocked. He's a very good midrange shooter, and one of the quickest/shiftiest point guards in the game. And to prove my "he wins every game" statement earlier: the Spurs have won 50+ games every year that Parker has been at the helm. Unstoppable little guy, indeed. Now enjoy my GIFs!

Too quick for NBA players!

That shot is just not supposed to go in

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