We
will pick 7 players each, snake draft style, with at least 3 guards and 2 post
players on each team. To determine the first pick, Paul picked a conference,
Jack picked a team, and I picked a random player and we each had 5 seconds to
guess their career points total. We came up with Western-Blazers-Luke Babbitt
and Paul won the rights to the first pick with an amazing guess of 310 (actual
total was 297). My mediocre at best guess of 3500 was good for second pick, and
Jack "Portland Soccer Mom" Peterson will be bringing up the rear with
a mind-numbingly poor guess of 6,789. Without further ado, Jack and Paul!
Paul: Alright
lets get it started! After an embarrassingly easy victory guessing the career
point total of Luke Babbitt (really Jack you guessed almost 7,000 points?), for
the first pick on any streetbal-style team, you want a player with a silky J,
wicked crossover move, good size, and a little bit of a mean streak. My
selection has checked all those boxes over the course of his 13-year career,
but despite scoring over 50 in a game for 3 different teams and leading the NBA
in all-time 4 point plays, has never been an all-star selection, with his
career highlights including a 6th man of the year award. Generally shoddy
defense non-withstanding (but really who plays D in intramurals), with the
first overall pick, I select Jamal
"J-Crossover" Crawford of the Los Angeles Clippers.
Brian: Solid
choice Paul. But really, not going for a big man with the first pick? Everyone
knows intramural games are won around the rim. My team needs a guy thats going
to cover court like a gazelle, hit 18 footers with relative ease, and throw
down between 5 and 15 sportscenter-quality dunks a game. This guy has improved
every season since he entered the league and I can only blame the hilarious
apathy of his hometown fans for his lack of an all star selection. Allow me to
introduce the first (of probably many) of my controversial picks, who is
currently losing to Joakhim Noah in voting for this year's AS game.
WIth
the second pick of the 2012 IM All Star draft, Brian Sachtjen selects Josh "J-Smoove" Smith of the
Atlanta Hawks.
Paul: Solid pick
Brian, everybody knows IM games are usually won by the team that takes the most
contested 22-footers...oh wait, that's not how it works at all. Good luck
coaching Smith to drive to the basket.
Brian: Quick
interjection to clarify a couple things: we are also not allowed to pick
players that are relatively assured of an all star spot within the next few
years (i.e. Kyrie Irving). Any pick can be vetoed if the other two determine
that the player breaks any of our stipulations.
On
another note, I'm sure glad I didn't pick a career 34.9% 3 point shooter on his
6th NBA team with the first overall pick! That pick has some serious Kwame
Brown-level bust potential.
Jack: This is
intriguing. I've got two picks - one of
them I am certainly going to use on a big, but now I'm tempted to use them both
on bigs. Josh Smith is also on not one
but two second team lists, which makes him a sneaky and great find.
For
my own part, I'll mix a little bit of the two previous picks. Dunks and 3s. That's what is going to be
important. I'm making my first selection based on how I feel this player would
compete in NBA Jams on beachball mode.
He can play 3 feet above the rim (there's no goaltending right?), and
that's about it. Still, he's all kinds
of athletic. What it says about the
Clippers that they have two of the top 3 picks in this draft and we can't pick all-stars?
Well, maybe they are for real.
My
second choice is the dominant wingman Paul referenced. Having is best year this year, averaging 18
points and 5 boards and not giving two craps about defense, he may be the only
valuable player on his team. But he can
score, he can dunk, and he can at least kind of shoot. Plus, both players have extra capital letters
in their name!
With
the third pick of the 2012 IM All Star draft, Jack Peterson selects DeAndre Jordan of the L.A.
Clippers....and with the fourth pick of the 2012 IM All Star draft, he selects DeMar DeRozan of the Toronto Raptors.
Brian: Woah, bold
strategy cotton! DeAndre looks more lost than my grandfather at an apple store
half the time, but he essentially removes any chance of the other team scoring
inside 12 feet. I do like the DeRozan pick though.
This
pick scares me a bit because I know Paul is going to take whoever I don't with
one of his next two, so I'll go with my gut here. This player is enjoying a
breakout year and is in the discussion of top 10 point guards in the game right
now. He is currently averaging a 16-6-6 with almost 2 steals a game to boot,
and is keeping what should be a horrible Houston team (Harden notwithstanding)
hovering around .500. I think his ceiling is a tad below "perennial all
star" but definitely somewhere in the neighborhood of "perennial all
star snub that is the second best player on a championship team." I'm also
going to chalk up his "battery of a female referee" arrest to the
fact that he really cares about the game. Ahem. Let's move on.
With
the fifth pick of the 2012 IM All Star draft, Brian Sachtjen selects Kyle Lowry of the Houston Rockets.
Jack: That's
interesting, I was unaware that Houston had a guy on their D-league team who is
also named Kyle Lowry! I'll look up some highlights; in the meantime Brian you
should check out the guy named Kyle Lowry on the Raptors...he's also pretty
good.
Brian: Well that's
embarassing. All the egg nog from last night must have went to my head. Whose
idea was it to start the draft before 5 on a Saturday?
Regardless,
Lowry is going to be picking other guards' pockets like a cat burglar. I stand
by the pick.
Paul: I actually
love both of Jack's picks except for the strategy he introduces of hacking the
shit out of DeAndre as soon as his team crosses half-court. Realistically
there's no way to keep these teams from scoring except by putting a career 40%
FT shooter at the line...I'll take my chances.
As
much as I hate to admit that Brian was right about taking size, you do need a
dominant big man (and preferably one who doesn't suck at free throws) in order
to really throw out a dominant roster. That's why with the sixth overall pick,
I select former Serbian League MVP Nikola
Pekovic of the T-wolves. Guy is enormous, he finishes at the rim, and
unlike DeAndre doesn't look like this guy from the line: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-MW5tkTWtQ.
Next, (not
sure why my font just popped into italics), these teams need a true defensive
pest who is going to prevent the other team from bringing the ball past
half-court, let alone scoring. The first-team All-Defense restriction makes
this selection a little challenging, but with the next pick I will take Andre
Miller of the Denver Nuggets!
...
Just
kidding. His defense is horrible. I'll take Matt Barnes instead - glue guy.
Brian: Took my
sleeper there Paul. Pekovic is my boy, and he oddly reminds me of the scary
mobster from the movie "Limitless". Anyone? Anyone? Ok forget it.
Looking
at my Mel Kiper-esque big board, I have a lot of big men...which means I should
take another guard so these vultures don't take them first. This guy was a huge
question mark for a championship contender coming into the season and has done
everyone expected and then some. On a scale from 1 to Shawn Marion, the
ugliness of his shooting motion is about a 7, but he gets the ball in the hoop.
He is actually shooting a higher percentage from 3 than inside the arc (46.8%
vs 46.4%) this season - how often does that happen?
With
the next pick in the 2012 IM All Star draft, I will take Kevin Martin of the Houston Rock....Oklahome City Thunder!
P.S.
Does it make me racist if I think Kevin Martin looks like Thabo Sefolosha?
Wait, don't answer that.
Jack: Side note -
Jason Kidd is also averaging a higher percentage from outside the arc than
inside this year.
Once
again, I have to decide what to do with two picks. I think I've decided that grabbing a point
guard isn't worth it. At least yet. And
I'm feeling a bit of the opposite of what Brian feels - I think there are
probably only two or three big guys left that I'd even consider.
The
question then is what to value in a big man. I think the only acceptable answer
is terror. How scared can you make the other teams guards? Is there anything
scarier than way too much hair, a cross-eyed look, ugly facial hair, and a
side-spinning-two-handed shot? I'll go
ahead and pull in Joakim Noah and
assume no one will ever score on my team.
I
guess I'll probably need to score as well.
This is my favorite pick so far, since the JET will basically function
on this team like I function in any pick-up game: run to the three point line
and spot up. But why wouldn't you want
this guy?? Awesome energy, career 45/38 fg percentages, and a sweet nickname? Yeah, I'll go ahead and take Jason Terry with my fourth pick.
Side
side note - both of these could be contentious: JET has a sixth man of the year
award and was on the all rookie second team, and Ugly-Face was on the all
defensive second team last year and will likely make the all-star game this
year. But if Brian is going to sound
racist and Paul is going to use italics then I don't care.
Paul: I'll veto
Noah. Not that I think its an amazing pick, but the spirit of the contest is to
consider who will probably make these teams this year as well. Or else I'd just
pick Anthony Davis.
Jack: There goes
my Damion Lillard pick. Didn't Brian say
Josh Smith should be voted onto the All-Star team as well? This veto seems
suspicious...
At
any rate, though I'm going with another big, I'll just have to assume DeAndre
can hold down the paint, since we all know Ryan
Anderson won't help him there on defense.
But he led the league last year in 3s and is shooting an even higher
percentage this year. And as someone who only shoots 3s, I respect that. I'll snatch him up and worry about guards
later.
Brian: Noah would
occupy the fifth spot once Pierce and Garnett retire, leaving Smith in the
cold. And that's with Bynum out the whole year thus far working on his hairdo.
Nice try Peterson.
After
picking the sieve that is Kevin Martin last round, I need to pick a player that
plays at least a semblance of D. I'm thinking a big man that shoots a fairly
high percentage and rebounds ferociously. A double-double every night kind of
guy. Someone who's not flashy but gets his stats every night in a workmanlike
fashion. That means I will be taking Al
Jefferson and Al Jefferson's Bed
of the Utah Jazz.
Paul: An
interesting run on shooters the last few rounds. I suppose it is a good idea to
have some shooting on these teams, although it would be pretty difficult to
stop teams from scoring just by packing the paint since all three of our teams
have absolute monsters patrolling the middle of the lane. So I too will take a
shooter this round.
Looking
at my roster, the 2, 3 and 5 spots are pretty much locked down, leaving me with
needs at PG and PF. It is tempting to pick a shooting PG to open up the floor
for J-Crossover, but I think passing ability and speed are more important at
that position. Since I need at least one Nugget on my team, and we can't shoot
at all, I'll have to go with, you guessed it, Ty Lawson. Fastest player on the
floor in any game he plays, his small stature won't really matter in most IM
leagues, and he is a competant passer and a one-man fast break waiting to
happen.
Finally
at PF, you guys have yet to pick the best shooter in the entire league! Come on
fellas! He's 6'9"! Career 44% from deep! Steve Novak. Game, blouses.
Brian: Excellent
token white guy pick with Novak. Probably wouldn't run back on defense a single
time, he could just stay in the corner and finish the game with 33 points.
While
I have both a PG and SG, I need a combo guard that will make the other team
say, "How the F*CK did he do that??" every time he touches the ball.
A me-first kind of guy that can catch fire with the heat of a nuclear holocaust
and would obnoxiously dog the other point guard every time he brought the ball
up the floor. He would be in the other team's heads at an Inception level, probably
for the rest of their lives. Thus far most of my team is fairly unselfish, so I
don't feel bad about adding my favorite chucker in the league. Welcome to the
team, Monta Ellis.
Jack: You want a
combo guard? You want a me-first kind of guy? You want someone who can score 15
points in two minutes after going 0-14 in a game? You want tattoos? Brian, I
see your Monta Ellis, and I'll raise you three inches, 35 pounds, 13% from
beyond the arc, and this...and with
my next pick I'll take J.R. Smith.
Now
I'm in an interesting position - I have literally no ball handlers. Do I care? I'm not sure. I really desperately
hoped Novak would fall to me. Alas, I
guess Anderson will have to be my token white guy, doubling as my token pudgy
guy. Could DeMar just bring the ball up?
I guess. And though there's one player
that I'm incredibly tempted to snag (and probably should), I'm gonna go with an
up-and-coming PG (that, by the way, is shooting very well from the floor and
decent from three this year, helping a team limp towards the playoff without
it's best player) who also happens to be the perfect player to dish the ball to
my shooters and toss up an oop or two. Jrue Holiday, you're on my squad. And
also I love your name.
Paul: Most
interesting Jrue Holiday fact I just learned: he is engaged to US Women's
Soccer midfielder Lauren Cheney! How do two people like that meet? Why is
Holiday engaged despite being my age? Would Jack's team ever record an assist?
So many questions unanswered!
Brian: Love the
Jrue pick and your defense of it. THAT BEING SAID, time for my sleeper pick. My
team is mediocre rebounding at best, and this guy will eradicate any hope of
the other team getting a rebound. Did you know that Anderson Varejao is averaging 15 rebounds a game this year? 15!
Combine that with excellent defense and a competent offensive game (as well as
being one of the best hustle/intangible guys in the game) and Anderson makes my
team a bona fide dynasty.
Paul:
my best guess is they met on Jdate.
Paul: Lots of
solid selections in the last couple rounds, notably Varejao who would
absolutely be the guy in IMs taking charges with his team up 35 in the last 2
minutes, then getting super fired up and trying to fight the opposing center.
Unfortunately, I'm gunna have to throw out a veto. 15 boards a game +
exceedingly comical hair + pity for the city of Cleveland = coaches pick for
the ASG this year. Sorry Brian.
Jack: I hope Alex
Morgan is on Jdate too.
I'm
seconding the veto...his numbers are just better than Noah's anyway. And he looks like the kid from High School Musical, which is absolutely unacceptable. Yeah,
I went there.
Brian: Up 35? It
would probably be closer to 135 with 2 min left. I'm pretty disappointed that
my incredible sleeper got vetoed, so I'm going to eschew conventional wisdom
and go with the F-you pick to Paul. I have two glaring needs at this point:
forward that can shoot the 3, and token white guy. Hmm...wasn't there a really
good player in the Italian league like 4 years ago that could fill this role?
Come
on down Danilo Gallanari!
Jack: I'm upset
there isn't a "like" button on this thread.
Paul: Gallinari
was indeed under consideration for my next round selection, but I already have
his strengths covered with my current team: outside shooting (Mr. Discount
Double Check), penetration (Crawford), surprisingly stingy defense (Barnes) and
incredible euro-flopping skills (Pekovic).
To
fill out my roster, I still have a few holes; notably, a freakishly athletic
player who the other team simply will not be able to stop from vicious dunks at
all times, and a true distributor who can actually unleash the outside shooting
potential of my three wing spots. The first one is another no-brainer. If you
were playing on an intramural team, which NBA player walking onto the court
would cause you to think "well, this isn't even fair" the quickest?
How about a 7'2" center with a 35" vertical leap? Show me JaVale McGee.
The
second slot is a little bit harder to fill. There are not a lot of true
distributors in the NBA anymore, and the most notable ones have all made
multiple all-star teams (Nash, Paul, etc.). This is when Andre Miller would be
a nice selection, but again, he is ineligible because of a random first-team
all-rookie selection about 28 years ago. After careful consideration of Pablo
Prigioni (euro-craftiness and old-man skills at their finest), Earl Watson
(surprisingly having a nice season for Utah) and Goran Dragic (actually not a
good passer), I am instead going with the deep, deep sleeper selection of Dogus Balbay currently out of Anadolu
Efes in the Turkish league. This guy played for Texas, and while he couldn't
shoot at all, he was one of the craftiest passers I have ever seen in college.
My roster is complete.
Jack: Way to keep
with the overly-tatted-out theme. Also,
while I'm a proud Texas supporter, Dogus shot under 50% on free throws in
college. As a point guard. But your dip into the international arena has me
considering Stephon Marbury and Allen Iverson.
Paul: A quick
scan of the NBA roster list has given me immediate regret of the Dogus pick.
Definitely panicked a bit there with several better options available. Also I
had no idea about the free throw situation, but wow.
Brian: Since my
attempt at drafting a rebounder was shot down in flames in the last round, it
looks like I still have a need to fill. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you
an up and coming true center, my fantasy basketball team's unsung hero, The
Turkish Hammer himself, Omer Asik.
The other teams wouldn't sniff a rebound with Omer wiping the glass cleaner
than an operating room.
Bonus
points for Omer oddly resembling the slightly awkward older brother from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."
Jack: So it has
come to this. The last pick, the last word (probably not, Paul always has
something to say), the last...well this is the end. If you're keeping track (if
you're not, I don't blame you), I'm ridin' pretty with Jrue, JR, the JET, and
DeMar as my guards while DeAndre and Anderson will be patrolling the paint. Not
really, Anderson will actually just be spotted up on the wing.
Side
note - a surprising number of picks have extra capital letters in their name.
Just like a surprising number of people are surprised after they eat taco bell
and can't leave the house afterwards.
Look,
I'd give you a list of reasons why I'm picking this person if I thought it
would help, and I know all the reasons I shouldn't pick him (which starts with
"he looks like Chris Brown"
- they even met once and took a picture together, look it up), but the fact is
he can jump out of the gym and is, in my opinion, the person in this game most
likely to make you do this.
Just
look:
Shannon
Brown,
welcome on board.
Paul: Well, there
you have it. The final teams:
Paul: Jamal
Crawford, Nikola Pekovic, Matt Barnes, Ty Lawson, Steve Novak, JaVale McGee,
Dogus Balbay
Brian: Josh Smith,
Kyle Lowry, Kevin Martin, Al Jefferson, Monta Ellis, Danilo Gallinari, Omer
Asik
Jack: DeAndre
Jordan, DeMar DeRozan, Jason Terry, Ryan Anderson, J.R. Smith, Jrue Holiday,
Shannon Brown
What
is surprising to me is how many guys would have been pretty great for these
teams that weren't picked. Just from my draft board, nobody picked Scalabrine,
Jimmer, Brandon Rush, Prigioni, Nate Robinson, Big Baby Davis, Reggie Evans, Ed
Davis, Andray Blatche, Leandro Barbosa, Joey Dorsey, Dorrell Wright, JJ Barea,
Rodney Stuckey, Brendan Haywood, Nene, Doug McDermott, JJ Redick, Lou Williams,
or even Kenny George! And I still picked Dogus Balbay. Whoops. Anyway, I think
one of the best lessons from this is that even average NBA players are still
pretty freaking good and would make any intramural team look silly in about 2
seconds. There were a lot of different ways to construct a team like this (huge
guys, shooters, penetrators, incredible defense), but I think we did a pretty
solid job. While my team would certainly be the most fun to watch, who do you
guys think has the best squad?
P.S.
if we had another round, I was totally going Scalabrine.
Jack: Dogus
Balbay. I hate the term "lol", but I think it's the only appropriate
way to describe what I'm still doing after reading that pick.
The
really important question now is: who won? Or rather, did Brian or I win since
Paul picked both Balbay and Pekovic? It's up there on the list of toughest
questions in life - right below "Is bringing a bottle of two-buck Chuck to
a party worse than bringing nothing at all?"
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