Thursday, December 12, 2013

Madison Square Garden Rims Consider Lawsuit Against Bulls and Knickerbockers

“The misses would have been more tolerable if only more of them were air-balls, and there were a good number of those, but we were wearing most of those shots straight to the chin. Who needs these work conditions?” said one rim. Upon review of the film, Daniel Gibson was not present, despite suspicions.

At the halfway mark of the Wednesday night matchup between the Knicks and the Bulls, Chicago was shooting less than 30% from the field and New York was managing a measly 40%, though by comparison 40% was jaw-droppingly impressive. In a half-time interview with the rims from basketball’s most famous venue at Madison Square Garden, each identical twin confirmed, “it was a bloodbath out there.”

There is something particularly satisfying about completely uninspired effort by NBA players resulting in cacophonies of loud clanks and bangs (“ISO. ISO.” Brick soon to follow). Especially because it means that the TV crews operating the cameras, with such little good play to film on the court, pan to coaches showing the most comical of disappointed faces. Mostly they look like fathers whose sons didn’t call home enough, and stayed out too late with their mother’s station wagon.

The twin rims bemoaned the play, “Chicago had 54 at the end of the third. It was harrowing. I remember when that Michael Jordan character scored 55 on his own back in ’95.” This performance against the Knicks follows two losses by the Bulls at home, unable to score more than 75 in each – clearly missing their leading and second leading scorers in Rose and Deng.

Late breaking news: apparently this game is also being broadcast in Spanish. We’re a sports blog dedicated to appealing to as many markets as possible, and Mike Tirico is to broadcasting as tryptophan is to post-Thanksgiving napping.

Los gemelos dijeron que el partido mejoro en el ultimo cuarto, “los toros parecian jugar con mas vigor, y los knickerbockers se durmieron, literalmente. Y cuando no estaban durmiendo, Snr JR Smith tiro. Dios mio.” Los cambios quedo los toros a hacer algo interesante en el partido, pero no fue suficiente. Chicago perdio otra vez sin ganando mas que 80 puntos por el tercer partido consecutivo.

Enough of that. Thanks to 9th grade Spanish teaching prodigy, Mr. McPhaul (notice not a single accent mark. Take that in the eye).

This unaffected play by both teams is part of what makes it easy as a viewer to feel completely unenthused by the Eastern as a whole – see 22 turnovers from Chicago. Both teams (granted before Rose shredded his meniscus) were plausible contenders in their conference to start the year, but once again prove the only things worth watching outside of the battle royale in the Western are in Indiana and South Beach.

Next up for the Bulls is a trip to Milwaukee on Friday while New York visits Boston. Asked for comment on the potential lawsuit by the Madison Square Garden hardware, Speaker Boehner mumbled something “…. tort reform….”

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