Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The Tweener: A Horcrux, Decisions, and a Flying Chicken

On February 26 I wrote an inaugural Tweener column.  It's that time of the week again - here are this issue's quick hitters:

  • Forgive my depression. I still haven't fully recovered from the soul crushing loss Davidson suffered in the first round of the NCAA tournament on Thursday.  As we slouched on the couch in the dark in the immediate aftermath of this loss, a friend remarked, "This must be how it feels to make a horcrux."  That someone could reference Harry Potter in this situation almost made me smile, but my cheek muscles didn't budge.  Perhaps the worst part? So many good things that happened in that game will be lost because of the final result.  I'm talking about the smart defensive scheme Davidson employed, the realization by the rest of the country that Davidson was probably under-seeded, Jake "Late second round pick/poor man's Ryan Anderson" Cohen's fluid game, and, most notably, this: 

  • Why is the game Would You Rather? even a game? The options are never good. It's not like I get to choose between Eva Longoria and Kate Upton. It's always...Would you rather be force fed a banana by a monkey, or walk a mile in your bare feet on an iced-over lake? Why? However, one of our writers asked me today, "Would you rather have Demarcus Cousins or Andrew Bynum?" Since his question was fairly vague, I was ready to answer any of the following qualifiers: 
    • ...as your hair dresser I think this one should be obvious. Bynum
    • ...on your side in a fight in an alley Ok so we're starting easy - Boogie Cousins for sure. 
    • ...with you on a 12 hour road trip This is a little bit tougher. I can't even fathom the type of music Cousins would want to put on, nor how loud his sub-woofers are. On the the other hand, Bynum having to suddenly brake would probably mess his knees up and he'd be unable to drive for the rest of the trip. I'll bring some ear-plugs and shades and go with Cousins
    • ...hold your toddler Wow this is a lot tougher. This is why I don't play this game. We'll go with Bynum, and I'll try and teach my child to steal one of his championship rings. 
    • ...on your NBA roster Tough. Bynum has proven his worth. We've seen his upside. He coalesces with a group a lot easier. But he's hurt. And costs more. And is overly obsessed with his hair. Cousins is a loose cannon, but then again he has been playing for a team that is terribly managed and coached. And he costs less. And I think most importantly, he can set foot on a court right now. So, for those reasons, and for the possibility that Lebron moves to Seattle in the summer of 2014 to join Cousins, two top 3 draft picks in the next two years, and a hyper-ventilating fan base, I'll go with Cousins.
  • Honest moment - I'm totally into the audition episodes of The Voice. They lead to moments like this.  It also produces hilarious moments, like Usher telling a contestant, "Blake knows Nashville. So you can choose him and be big there, but Nashville is just a state. I can make you big around the world." Uhhhhh...Nashville is a state?  At any rate, the joy on the face of those who get selected is unbelievable, just like the faces of those teams advancing in the NCAA tournament. Especially FGCU.  They're taking over our hearts as the new Lob-city.  Wait...I meant Dunk City.  Regardless, who knows what this victory celebration dance is, but because FGCU won, their school, their team, and this gif will all live in infamy.

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