Thursday, March 28, 2013

Tweetable Predictions

The Sweet 16 starts today. If you're at work, don't worry, you can stream them online.  Because we all wanted to make our own predictions, and because we didn't want to put you all to sleep, we've condensed our predictions for each match-up into Tweet-length form:

Sweet 16

(3) Marquette vs. (2) Miami
     JP: Muck Farquette. They crushed my soul. I never want to see their name again.
     PB: No Johnson for Miami? New Jesuit Pope? The cards are falling right for Marquette this year...
     BS: Kadji picks up the slack with Johnson out, and I pick up the pieces of my broken heart. The U all the way.
(6) Arizona vs. (2) Ohio State
     JP: Cold-blooded! That's how we refer to Paul Britton Aaron Craft. OSU has realized its opportunity.
     PB: Far too much pressure for the Pac-12 to perform. OSU in a rout.
     BS: I'll be honest: I just hate the Pac-12/former Pac-10. Always have. Buckeyes march on.
(4) Syracuse vs. (1) Indiana 
     JP: The 'Cuse is hot. D Wade Oladipo and IU's depth make them hotter. Crean: don't mess this up.
     PB: Will Tom Crean be able to resist benching Oladipo after 6 minutes? Too much shooting for IU.
     BS: Shockingly, Syracuse didn't go out in the first round this year. Probably cause they played f'ing Montana. IU is no Montana.
(13) La Salle vs. (9) Wichita State
     JP: As a native Kansan, go Shockers. Insert inappropriate joke here. But actually I think La Salle wins.
     PB: Which hometown is worse - Philly or the land of the Children of the Corn? Scary. Shockers move on.
     BS: How can you hate the feel-good La Salle story? Cause they're from Philly, that's why. Shockers deliver a pounding in this one.

(12) Oregon vs. (1) Louisville 
     JP: The selection committee wanted a 12-over-a-5-seed upset. But guards win this tournament. Cards.
     PB: Oregon was very underseeded. That being said, the 'Ville is probably the best team in the country.
     BS: Oregon is like the nice guy who hits on a girl all night before the drunk star football player takes her home. Louisville is that drunk star football player.
(4) Michigan vs. (1) Kansas
     JP: It's no secret I've thought Kansas overrated all season. Michigan has two dynamic guards. So, yeah.
     PB: Not a ton of defense for Michigan, not a ton of offense for Kansas. The winner? These guys.
     BS: Jeff Whitey Withey is the man. Trey Burke is more the man. The maize and blue advance.
(3) Michigan State vs. (2) Duke
     JP: Duke is deep yet injury riddled. You always pick Tom Izzo to go one round further than he's seeded.
     PB: Great test of the depth of these conferences...and let's be honest, the Big 10 is way better.
     BS: As a Terps fan, I wouldn't take Duke over St Mary's School for the Blind. Go Spartans.
(15) FGCU vs. (3) Florida 
     JP: They had a great run, but OH FORGET IT FGCU ALL THE WAY!!!
     PB: Sadly I like Florida to advance. But if the game is close in the end? Watch out for Dunk City.
     BS: Rooting for FGCU = rooting for America. Chicken Dance to the Elite 8.

Elite Eight

Miami/Marquette vs. Indiana/Syracuse 
     JP:  This has clearly become the year of the basketball teams from Florida. (Except you, Orlando.)
     PB: Said it before, I'll say it again: Marquette is the team of destiny this year.
     BS: Kinda need IU to make the final four to have any chance of winning bracket money, so I'm taking Miami in a blowout.
La Salle/Wichita State vs. Ohio State/Arizona
     JP: Don't kid yourself (myself). Ohio State saw this bracket when it was released and they rejoiced.
     PB: OSU vs. another team from no-man's-land? TOO. MUCH. CORN. Wichita State in a "Shocker."
     BS: Aaron Craft = biggest overachiever in the nation. Down goes Wichita.

Michigan State/Duke vs. Louisville/Oregon
     JP: Woof. Drink every time someone mentions late-game problems. Just kidding. Louisville moves on.
     PB: Duke/'Ville in a rematch from earlier this season. The difference? Gorgui Dieng.
     BS: As Jack said, always take MSU one round further than you think. Mini upset special: MSU.
FGCU/Florida vs. Michigan/Kansas
     JP: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!? FGCU...WILL...GO...until they lose to Michigan.
     PB: Love the Gators this year but the SEC has been weak. Kansas "gettin' Withey with it" to the Final 4.
     BS: Damnit Paul I can't top that joke. FGCU to the final four, because America. 


  1. You guys are actually kinda funny.

  2. Also - Paul should lose the corn references when talking about the Shockers. Kansas is "The Wheat State" and that's a "shock" of WHEAT coming out of the mascot's head...